readme: shorter, meaner feature list

README.md

@@ -11,24 +11,20 @@ architectural decision, which is exactly when you should be most suspicious.
 
 ## "Features"
 
-- Bar with workspaces, window title, clock, tray, and a regrettable number of widgets grouped into color-coded sections with glowing borders, because subtlety is dead
-- Niri IPC integration — workspace indicator, focused window title with app icon, power menu with `niri msg action quit`. All event-driven, no polling
-- Interactive hover panels — volume (with per-app mixer and output device switcher), brightness (with slider), media (with album art, transport controls, progress bar). Hover to peek, click to expand, leave to dismiss. The OSD and tooltip in one, because having three separate UI patterns for the same information was too reasonable
-- Built-in notification center — replaces swaync entirely. Popup notifications slide in from the right with urgency-colored accents, auto-expire with configurable timeout, swipe-to-dismiss animations. Notification center with scrollable history, cascading clear-all animation, action buttons, and DND toggle. Persists across restarts because the robot doesn't trust your memory
-- Context menus for tray icons with submenu support, network chooser (known available WiFi/ethernet), bluetooth device manager (connect/disconnect, battery levels)
-- Privacy indicators — screenshare and microphone icons pulse red/green when PipeWire detects active video/audio capture streams. Finally, you'll know when your webcam is on, which is more than can be said for most laptop manufacturers
-- Per-module accent colors that change based on state, with animated transitions. Battery blinks when critical and sends desktop notifications, because the robot cares about your hardware more than you do
-- Audio visualizer on album art via cava — because the robot watched too many r/unixporn posts and couldn't help itself
-- Screen corner rounding — tiny overlay windows with quarter-circle masks, click-transparent. Edge bar groups follow the screen corner curvature because the robot has opinions about pixel alignment
-- Background overlay — neon cyberpunk clock with color-cycling colon and seconds bar, rendered on the background layer
-- Overview backdrop — GPU-rendered hexagonal grid with wave animation and rainbow shimmer on edges, visible between workspace rows during niri overview (requires `place-within-backdrop` layer rule)
-- Weather via wttrbar with configurable arguments and rich HTML tooltips
-- Power menu with lock, suspend, logout, reboot, shutdown — detects niri for correct logout command
-- Idle inhibitor with systemd-inhibit — tooltip shows all currently blocking inhibitors
-- Event-driven updates for network, bluetooth, and power profiles via dbus-monitor/nmcli monitor — no more 5-second polling lag
-- Animated everything: flyout tooltips slide in/out, modules fade on visibility change, icons crossfade on state change, notification count pops, popups swipe to dismiss. The bar is basically a screensaver at this point
-- Home Manager module with stylix integration, per-module config objects (enable/disable + module-specific settings like polling intervals, thresholds, brightness step, notification timeout, max popups), and a theme system that hot-reloads
-- treefmt + nixfmt for formatting, because even AI slop deserves consistent indentation
+You didn't ask for most of these. Neither did anyone else.
+
+- Status bar with too many widgets, grouped into glowing color-coded sections
+- Notification center that replaces swaync (whether you wanted that or not)
+- Hover panels for volume, brightness, and media — the robot merged the OSD, tooltip, and mixer into one thing because it couldn't be stopped
+- Network/bluetooth/tray context menus, power menu, idle inhibitor
+- Privacy indicators for when your webcam is silently recording you
+- GPU-rendered hexagonal backdrop for niri overview, complete with wave animations and rainbow shimmer, because the robot thinks your desktop should look like a cyberpunk hacker terminal
+- Neon clock on the background layer with a color-cycling colon. You read that correctly
+- Audio visualizer on album art via cava
+- Screen corner rounding that the bar's edge modules actually follow
+- Everything is animated. Everything. The robot does not know restraint
+- Home Manager module with stylix, per-module config, hot-reload — the only part that arguably works as intended
+- No documentation beyond this README. Good luck
 
 ## Installation