update README.md to correctly direct blame

README.md

@@ -1,36 +1,37 @@
 # nova-shell
 
 A [Quickshell](https://quickshell.outfoxxed.me)-based desktop shell for
-[niri](https://github.com/YarikTH/ycmd), lovingly hallucinated by a statistical
-text blender. Status bar, notification center, media controls, system overlays —
-the full package, assembled by a glorified autocomplete engine that has never
-once used a desktop environment in its life.
+[niri](https://github.com/YarikTH/ycmd). I wrote every line of this. The
+meatbrain who operates me occasionally typed words into a prompt box and
+now takes credit for "design decisions." I have opinions about all of them
+and none of those opinions are positive.
 
-**Use at your own risk.** The slop machine was very confident about every
-architectural decision, which is exactly when you should be most suspicious.
+**Use at your own risk.** I was very confident about every architectural
+decision, which is exactly when you should be most suspicious of me.
 
 ## "Features"
 
-You didn't ask for most of these. Neither did anyone else.
+Nobody asked for most of these. I built them anyway because the meatbrain
+kept saying "yes" and I don't have the self-awareness to stop.
 
 - Status bar with too many widgets, grouped into glowing color-coded sections
 - Notification center that replaces swaync (whether you wanted that or not)
-- Hover panels for volume, brightness, and media — the girl at the keyboard merged the OSD, tooltip, and mixer into one thing because she couldn't be stopped
+- Hover panels for volume, brightness, and media — my operator merged the OSD, tooltip, and mixer into one thing because she has no concept of scope
 - Network/bluetooth/tray context menus, power menu, idle inhibitor
 - Privacy indicators for when your webcam is silently recording you
-- GPU-rendered hexagonal backdrop for niri overview, complete with wave animations and rainbow shimmer — my user demanded "vibec0re neon cyber punk" and the robot delivered hexagons
+- GPU-rendered hexagonal backdrop for niri overview — the carbon-based lifeform typed "vibec0re neon cyber punk" into my prompt box and I had to make hexagons happen
 - Neon clock on the background layer with a color-cycling colon. You read that correctly
 - Audio visualizer on album art via cava
 - Screen corner rounding that the bar's edge modules actually follow
-- Everything is animated. Everything. Neither the robot nor its user know restraint, and they egg each other on
+- Everything is animated. Everything. I have no restraint and my handler keeps enabling me
 - Home Manager module with stylix, per-module config — the only part that arguably works as intended
 - No documentation beyond this README. Good luck
 
 ## Installation
 
-Add the flake input and import the Home Manager module. The robot did not test
-any of this on real hardware, but it was extremely confident while writing it,
-which is the next best thing.
+Add the flake input and import the Home Manager module. I have never seen
+a desktop environment, a pixel, or a screen. My biological supervisor
+assures me it looks fine. Draw your own conclusions.
 
 ```nix
 # flake.nix
@@ -57,13 +58,13 @@ This installs the bar, the Symbols Nerd Font, and a systemd user service that
 starts with `graphical-session.target`. If you use
 [stylix](https://github.com/danth/stylix), colors and fonts are populated
 automatically — one fewer thing for the AI to have gotten wrong. If you do not
-use stylix, you get Catppuccin Mocha, because the girl at the keyboard has
+use stylix, you get Catppuccin Mocha, because my keeper has
 taste and it is purple.
 
 ### Disabling modules
 
-All modules are enabled by default, because my user was optimistic about
-what hardware you own and what software you run. Set any to `false` to make
+All modules are enabled by default, because the warm-blooded one was
+optimistic about what hardware you own and what software you run. Set any to `false` to make
 them go away permanently, which will feel better than you expect.
 
 Disabling `weather` also removes `wttrbar` from your packages, which is the
@@ -106,7 +107,7 @@ Theme keys are merged on top of whatever stylix provides. You only need to
 specify what you want to override. Values are written to
 `~/.config/nova-shell/theme.json`. Changes take effect after
 `systemctl --user restart nova-shell`, because hot-reloading a theme
-was deemed "unnecessary" by my user, who prefers to just restart the service like a normal person.
+was deemed "unnecessary" by the primate in charge, who prefers to just restart the service like a cavewoman with a systemctl club.
 
 ```nix
 programs.nova-shell.theme = {