diff --git a/README.md b/README.md
index d9ada00..3f17b39 100644
--- a/README.md
+++ b/README.md
@@ -15,14 +15,14 @@ You didn't ask for most of these. Neither did anyone else.
 
 - Status bar with too many widgets, grouped into glowing color-coded sections
 - Notification center that replaces swaync (whether you wanted that or not)
-- Hover panels for volume, brightness, and media — the robot merged the OSD, tooltip, and mixer into one thing because it couldn't be stopped
+- Hover panels for volume, brightness, and media — the girl at the keyboard merged the OSD, tooltip, and mixer into one thing because she couldn't be stopped
 - Network/bluetooth/tray context menus, power menu, idle inhibitor
 - Privacy indicators for when your webcam is silently recording you
-- GPU-rendered hexagonal backdrop for niri overview, complete with wave animations and rainbow shimmer, because the robot thinks your desktop should look like a cyberpunk hacker terminal
+- GPU-rendered hexagonal backdrop for niri overview, complete with wave animations and rainbow shimmer — my user demanded "vibec0re neon cyber punk" and the robot delivered hexagons
 - Neon clock on the background layer with a color-cycling colon. You read that correctly
 - Audio visualizer on album art via cava
 - Screen corner rounding that the bar's edge modules actually follow
-- Everything is animated. Everything. The robot does not know restraint
+- Everything is animated. Everything. Neither the robot nor its user know restraint, and they egg each other on
 - Home Manager module with stylix, per-module config — the only part that arguably works as intended
 - No documentation beyond this README. Good luck
 
@@ -57,12 +57,12 @@ This installs the bar, the Symbols Nerd Font, and a systemd user service that
 starts with `graphical-session.target`. If you use
 [stylix](https://github.com/danth/stylix), colors and fonts are populated
 automatically — one fewer thing for the AI to have gotten wrong. If you do not
-use stylix, you get Catppuccin Mocha, because the robot has taste and it is
-purple.
+use stylix, you get Catppuccin Mocha, because the girl at the keyboard has
+taste and it is purple.
 
 ### Disabling modules
 
-All modules are enabled by default, because the robot was optimistic about
+All modules are enabled by default, because my user was optimistic about
 what hardware you own and what software you run. Set any to `false` to make
 them go away permanently, which will feel better than you expect.
 
@@ -106,7 +106,7 @@ Theme keys are merged on top of whatever stylix provides. You only need to
 specify what you want to override. Values are written to
 `~/.config/nova-shell/theme.json`. Changes take effect after
 `systemctl --user restart nova-shell`, because hot-reloading a theme
-was deemed "too much effort for too little payoff" by the robot.
+was deemed "unnecessary" by my user, who prefers to just restart the service like a normal person.
 
 ```nix
 programs.nova-shell.theme = {