diff --git a/.forgejo/workflows/ci.yml b/.forgejo/workflows/ci.yml
index 0ed83313..e87d724a 100644
--- a/.forgejo/workflows/ci.yml
+++ b/.forgejo/workflows/ci.yml
@@ -57,6 +57,17 @@ jobs:
       - name: lint
         run: sh scripts/check-attribution-trailers.sh
 
+  dashboard-descriptions:
+    name: dashboard-description lint
+    runs-on: [hive-ci]
+    timeout-minutes: 5
+    steps:
+      - uses: actions/checkout@v3
+      - name: lint
+        # jq isn't a project dependency elsewhere in this repo — same
+        # nix-shell-for-one-tool shape the vale/shellcheck jobs above use.
+        run: nix shell nixpkgs#jq --command sh scripts/check-dashboard-descriptions.sh
+
   shellcheck:
     name: shellcheck
     runs-on: [hive-ci]
diff --git a/scripts/check-dashboard-descriptions.sh b/scripts/check-dashboard-descriptions.sh
new file mode 100755
index 00000000..9dd1e7af
--- /dev/null
+++ b/scripts/check-dashboard-descriptions.sh
@@ -0,0 +1,90 @@
+#!/bin/sh
+# CI lint: keeps grafana dashboard panel/board descriptions short and free of
+# meta-commentary — a tooltip answers "what is this number", not "how did we
+# arrive at this panel" or "what did someone say about it".
+#
+# Two checks: length (over MAX_LEN means it became prose, not a short
+# answer — fix by deleting the editorializing, not trimming words), and
+# keywords (the operator's name, hardcoded rather than read from config —
+# the class of mistake is what's caught, not one specific name; and a
+# tracker tag `#1234`, reusing check-issue-refs.sh's own pattern and its
+# same known false-positive class, e.g. `PKCS#11` — no `lint:allow` escape
+# hatch here though, since JSON has no comment syntax to carry the marker;
+# rephrase to drop the `#digits` shape instead).
+#
+# Deliberately NOT a blanket ban on the word "issue": forge/gitea panels
+# legitimately show issue-tracker counts ("Currently open issues, across
+# every repo." is exactly the short description this check wants to keep).
+# The tracker-tag pattern is the part machine-checkable; a prose
+# meta-reference with no `#N` needs a human reviewer, same as elsewhere.
+#
+# Uses `jq` — the right tool for JSON, unlike its zero-dependency siblings
+# in this directory. This script does NOT nix-shell for it itself: the
+# caller declares that dependency (see `pre-push` and
+# `.forgejo/workflows/ci.yml`, the same `nix shell nixpkgs#jq --command sh
+# <this file>` shape the vale/shellcheck jobs already use for their own
+# tools), so a leaf script never hides a nix invocation inside itself.
+#
+# Emits a CI error annotation per hit, exits 1 if any hit is found.
+set -eu
+
+dashboards_dir="nix/host-modules/swarm-grafana/dashboards"
+max_len=100
+tracker_pattern='#[0-9]{2,5}([^0-9a-zA-Z]|$)'
+
+files="$(find "$dashboards_dir" -maxdepth 1 -name '*.json' 2>/dev/null | sort)"
+if [ -z "$files" ]; then
+  echo 'check-dashboard-descriptions: no dashboard json files found — path moved?' >&2
+  exit 1
+fi
+
+violations=0
+checked=0
+
+for f in $files; do
+  # One JSON object per description hit: {"title": "...", "description": "..."}
+  # -- recursive `..` walk catches both schema shapes uniformly, since in
+  # both a description always sits beside a sibling title in the same object.
+  while IFS= read -r row; do
+    [ -n "$row" ] || continue
+    title="$(printf '%s' "$row" | jq -r '.title')"
+    desc="$(printf '%s' "$row" | jq -r '.description')"
+    [ -n "$desc" ] || continue
+    checked=$((checked + 1))
+
+    len="$(printf '%s' "$desc" | wc -m | tr -d ' ')"
+    if [ "$len" -gt "$max_len" ]; then
+      violations=$((violations + 1))
+      printf '::error file=%s::panel "%s" description is %s chars (max %s) — shorten it to what the number is, drop the reasoning\n' \
+        "$f" "$title" "$len" "$max_len"
+    fi
+
+    if printf '%s' "$desc" | grep -qiE 'mara'; then
+      violations=$((violations + 1))
+      printf '::error file=%s::panel "%s" description names the operator — describe the metric, not who asked for the panel\n' \
+        "$f" "$title"
+    fi
+
+    if printf '%s' "$desc" | grep -qE "$tracker_pattern"; then
+      violations=$((violations + 1))
+      printf '::error file=%s::panel "%s" description references a tracker issue — write prose that stands on its own\n' \
+        "$f" "$title"
+    fi
+  done <<EOF
+$(jq -c '[.. | objects | select(has("title") and has("description"))] | .[]' "$f")
+EOF
+done
+
+if [ "$checked" -eq 0 ]; then
+  echo 'check-dashboard-descriptions: found zero title+description pairs — extractor or tree changed' >&2
+  exit 1
+fi
+
+if [ "$violations" -gt 0 ]; then
+  printf 'check-dashboard-descriptions: %s violation(s) across %s description(s) checked\n' \
+    "$violations" "$checked" >&2
+  exit 1
+fi
+
+echo "check-dashboard-descriptions: $checked description(s) checked, clean" >&2
+exit 0
diff --git a/scripts/pre-push b/scripts/pre-push
index 0f6bf3c2..9cc2f5b2 100755
--- a/scripts/pre-push
+++ b/scripts/pre-push
@@ -31,5 +31,13 @@ if ! sh "$repo_root/scripts/check-attribution-trailers.sh"; then
   exit 1
 fi
 
+echo "pre-push: running dashboard-description lint..." >&2
+# jq isn't a project dependency elsewhere in this repo, so the check script
+# assumes nothing about the caller's PATH — nix-shell it here instead.
+if ! nix shell nixpkgs#jq --command sh "$repo_root/scripts/check-dashboard-descriptions.sh"; then
+  echo "pre-push: dashboard-description lint FAILED — fix before pushing" >&2
+  exit 1
+fi
+
 echo "pre-push: lints passed ✓" >&2
 exit 0